no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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