me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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