So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
