she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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