you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
