I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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