I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
