Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
