the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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