i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
