Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize