Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
