If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
