I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
