I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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