Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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