remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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