she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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