I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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