I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
