I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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