My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
