no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
