go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
