i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize