Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
