It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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