Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
