Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
