she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize