ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
