I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
