i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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