i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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