I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
