is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
