Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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