I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
