Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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