my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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