...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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