Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize