I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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