i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
