His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
