guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
