Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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