It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
