He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
