How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
