You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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