Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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