i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
