No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please come you make the beer taste better
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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