i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
