New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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