i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
