Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
