dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
