i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
