I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
