idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
