why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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