Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
