I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
