I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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