halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
how drunk are you?
Several
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
