Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
