why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
