Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
