The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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