Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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