Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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