he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
