Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
