Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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