I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
