My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's intense
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
