If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
