It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
