I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
