the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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